Does the past predicate the future?

So obviously I've been a bit absent in my postings, but that's translated to developments in my personal life. This past weekend I spent a lot of time with AL... I mean, a lot. Basically the whole weekend.

Last Thursday night she ended up staying the night with me at my place. It's strange, I actually wanted her to stay whereas all the other girls I couldn't wait for them to leave once we finished having sex. We had a nice dinner that Thursday night, so with her staying the night topped it off perfectly.

Friday, I worked from home because I had a few things to take care of like getting the oil changed in my car and some other errands. Friday night, I had a late soccer game, to which she showed up for to watch for awhile. Friday night I spent with myself.

Saturday, AL had an event at her job up in Washington. I've always been curious as to what her job entails, so since Saturday was a more "open to the public" days, it would be perfect for me to get up there and see what she does. Saturday went well, went up to her work out in the middle of the forest. She showed me her government office, and drove me out to the areas around the forest where she works. She told me about the studies that she has executed, how she has been published and her current responsibilities. It's amazing to really fathom her impact on the environment, where she more just thinks it's nothing too special.

Our conversations never ended, we always have views on things, challenge each other on our views, help each other express our thoughts, hash out concerns that we have about one another. It all went well... for the most part.

I hate the past, the past is just that... gone. Although a person's previous decisions may resemble a pattern, i.e. my ex-wife not being reliable and responsible. But AL is that.. at least responsible in her profession and supporting herself. Relationship wise, she has been a bit away from perfect. She has been divorced for a few years now, and was separated for at least half a year before that. Her marriage ended though due to her cheating on her husband. At least that was the reason on top... The more she spoke to me about her marriage and why it fell apart, I see more the reason why she behaved how she did was the fact that he wasn't supportive of their relationship. He made the decision to leave her and go back to school, but not taking her feelings into account. For example, he didn't choose a school nearby, he didn't explore taking online courses, he didn't attempt to hold a job while going through school. He just upped and left her, left her with their bills, left her to support him financially, left her alone by herself. All things that I wouldn't do at this point. I'm finished with school, I have my own job that pays decently, I'm about to own my own place.

She tried blaming it on alcohol in the beginning, but I challenged that. I don't believe that alcohol is an excuse of carrying on an affair. Maybe cheating once, but an affair is over a period of time. You're not drinking that whole time. It may make poor decisions easier to deal with, but overall it's not the deciding factor, it's not _the_ catalyst, but it could make the actions easier to carry out.

I never cheated on my wife... In high school and in college though, I did tend to get involved with other girls. But once it got physical, I'd always end the previous relationship and jump right into another. Definitely not a healthy pattern. One that I thought I had left behind, and did when I was married. Since my divorce I've been balancing different relationships, but never declared myself in a commited relationship with any of them. In fact when they pushed for it, I'd push against. But with AL it's different. I want one with her, I don't mind pushing the other girls away for her.

Another wrinkle in this whole situation is the fact that she dated a friend of mine previously. Even after I advised her that it wouldn't work out between her and him, she persued it anyways. She's the type who always looked for "projects", for guys that she thought she could fix, and my friend fits that perfectly in the relationship category. Personality wise, he's also not that outgoing, not the type that I felt she would enjoy or understand. True enough, it didn't work out. But the real dagger is the fact that she slept with him. I hate that. I hate that she made a poor decision with someone that wasn't good for her, that she slept with him so quickly. Therein lies the other concern that I have. If she was so quick to sleep with him, how many others has she been quick to sleep with? But is that a fair question? I mean, look at me... how many have I slept with since my divorce in October of '05? 3? 4? 5? And not like they were the best decisions for me too. I knew that they were co-dependent, that they were hooked on me, that I was only half-hearted into it because I could see flaws that I couldn't live with. But I am the type to always hold out hope, that they would have changed... But I was wrong.

Still... I slept with them, she slept with him... It's all in the past... does it really matter? Does it predicate the future? Would she cheat on me if she felt she wasn't being supported? Or is our communication strong enough that she would challenge me on it and let me know her true concerns? Time will tell... time to dwell...