Finally confirmation...

I knew it from before, but it's good to have the professional opinion to back it up. My divorce was not at all my fault. I did nothing wrong, in fact I was much more accommodating than really what was healthy.

I hate failing. When I was 2 years old, my parents divorced. As a child it was difficult for me to comprehend what exactly went on, but ultimately I learned it was the right thing to do. My father was an exceptional circumstance for a divorce proceeding. He actually was the first father west of the Rockies to win sole custody of his children. The unfortunate part is that in order for that to happen, he had to prove that my mother was incapable of providing for me and my older sister since my mother had developed schitzophrenia. But he did it, and eventually he remarried to my step-mother.

At least my situation was much simpler. All I had to deal with was a woman who wouldn't be responsible, who admitted to me that she did not want to shoulder the responsibilities of paying her bills, helping out with a house, planning for the future. But yet she wanted it all. She at one point quit her job without giving me a warning, without having a job to step into, without plans to cover her debt she had accrued. Then she turned around and complained to me about how our living situation was not improving. But here I was, taking on a loss of income around $35k/year, and making sure we stayed afloat. On top of it all, she told me 6 months into our marriage that she did not love me anymore. No love, no emotional support and no financial help to me. So I attempted counseling, hoping that a neutral party would help enlighten her to her behavior and how unrealistic in life her expectations were.

Eventually we decided it would be for the better that we divorce as well. No children involved, she would keep her debts, I would keep mine. Basically it was just devolved into a real formal breakup, and yes it was for the better. But still, I hate failing.

My counselor indicated that this is because I'm an "over committer". Ironic, since AL is accusing me of not committing to our situation, to not relying on her financially, to not planning for our future together. My counselor also advised me to take my time, not rush into things, to give it at least a year with AL before getting married again. His advice I have been trying to follow even before he provided it to me. He suggested to pre-marital counseling, funny because both AL and I have spoken about doing it prior to my returning to seeing a counselor.

I'm a planner, so is AL. I'm scared of being financially taken advantage of again, so is she. So if we both have the same fears, yet realize that we're both not like the others in our lives whom have taken advantage of us... What are we waiting for? For me, it's seeing the logistics first. To see if we can afford it, how our finances are going to work together, to actually having to live with someone again. To having her dogs get used to my cats, to finding a house for us, to planning our new work paths. I'm a planner, she's a planner... it's time to get planning.