Happy New Year 2008!
Lots of developments have occurred during the past month or so. The current status that I am at is that I have taken the step to move in with AL. This is absolutely huge, seeing as she lives up in Battle Ground, which is 30 minutes away from Portland (in good traffic), 1 hour or more during rush hour. This has come with pluses and minuses, definitely more pluses right now than the latter.
Some of the minuses. Giving up my privacy. But she has also given this up, and even more so when you factor in that I am moving into _her_ home. Another large minus, now living 30 minutes from where I work. That's in good traffic, with rush hour, it's literally that, an hour of traffic time. So now I'm going from a 20 minute commute, to an hour or more.
Another minus is that there is no place to "run". If we get into an argument (and we've had our share during this growth in our relationship) I can't really escape. I can't get far away from her out of earshot so that I can mutter about her to myself. But neither does she. We definitely have to come to an agreement that either of us can leave at any point and that it's okay. In her words, I need my "Man Cave" and she needs her reciprocal escape route.
The pluses? The companionship. It's nice to come home and have another living being in the house. It's nice to sometimes have to think of "the other person" in the house when it comes to dinner plans, night plans, helping take care of chores. Then of course the sex... definitely a benefit.
Over these past months I have been moving slowly into her place. First a few changes of clothes, then some personal products, and now some of the larger moves. Over this past month, she's allowed me to put in my own dresser (from IKEA, looks decent, but was cheap), and recently the larger step of moving up my computer. My computer is my life-line, which sounds sad. But it is the tool which provides my lively hood. This was a sticking point between myself and my ex-wife.
My ex viewed the computer as just a toy. A replacement for interactions with her, to something that I used to take up my free time from other productive tasks. I broached this topic with AL, to let her know that this was a strong point of contention between my ex and myself, and that the fact of the computer was still there. I do spend a significant amount of time on it, I use it every day for work, for email, for communication. I use it for paying bills, for working on future projects, for cultivating possible income opportunities. I also use it for more nefarious purposes, for acquiring music, for playing games (warcraft is my vice), for downloading movies, etc.
ALs uses appear to include less than what I do. She uses it for internet, for looking up information, resources, for communication. But that's where it ends.
So I've opened the door to this discussion, in hopes that we could communicate about it sooner rather than later, so that it doesn't deteriorate our already precarious relationship. She's taken the stance that she won't allow it to eat up too much of my time, that there are other things I can be working on (home improvements, I assume), other activities I can be doing out from in front of the computer. But those aren't always in my interest. It will be a challenge.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Friday, December 7, 2007
It's been almost a month...
and I'm still with AL. Surprising I guess, as it seems at times that we have more personality conflicts than not. We're both strong willed, but it seems that I tend to be better at compromising than she does. I like to think that this is because I'm just nice, and not a push over. But sometimes I'm not sure.
In every (healthy) relationship there has to be compromise. Who takes the trash out, who takes care of the dogs, who buys groceries, etc. One of our latest compromises (or not a compromise) occurred when we were beginning to celebrate the holidays.
As a tradition, my family always goes to the same u-cut tree farm to get a Christmas tree. In fact, this year was the 26th year that someone from our clan went there to get a tree. AL and I took her brother and soon to be sister-in-law with us this year. Since AL and I both have a home right now, I thought it would be good to get 2 trees for us. Come to find out that right off the bat we weren't together on our selection. She wanted a bushier type of Fir tree, and I wanted a Noble. Since we were getting two, I saw no reason as to why we shouldn't get one of both.. (compromise there)... Next were the decorations.
We went to Target to get some decorations for our trees.. come to find out, she doesn't like colored lights on her tree, only white ones. I like color, and have always gotten color, so that's what I wanted. Then ornaments... She likes the gaudier bigger ones.. I like more simple solid colors... Yay. Our trees are going to be representative of our views... pretty opposite.
But then again... how important is the tree decorating? Does it matter if I don't get colored lights? What about the uglier (in my opinion) larger ornaments? To me none of that is an absolute show stopper... In my overall longings, I just wanted a tree. So I got not only 1, but 2 of them now. :) But could it foreshadow other issues?
From the patterns I've observed, I tend to give in more on choices. She is demanding. Not a good combination unless she learns to go with my suggestions now and then, even when she doesn't like them. Time will tell on that one, especially when we start to settle on a house.
We have been doing a lot more home searching and our tastes are beginning to come out. We both want a yard, we both want hardwoods, we both want a newer house and we both like craftsman style homes. She wants a garage, I could care less. Seems like we're on the same page there, now just to find one that I can afford... That's the true crux.
In every (healthy) relationship there has to be compromise. Who takes the trash out, who takes care of the dogs, who buys groceries, etc. One of our latest compromises (or not a compromise) occurred when we were beginning to celebrate the holidays.
As a tradition, my family always goes to the same u-cut tree farm to get a Christmas tree. In fact, this year was the 26th year that someone from our clan went there to get a tree. AL and I took her brother and soon to be sister-in-law with us this year. Since AL and I both have a home right now, I thought it would be good to get 2 trees for us. Come to find out that right off the bat we weren't together on our selection. She wanted a bushier type of Fir tree, and I wanted a Noble. Since we were getting two, I saw no reason as to why we shouldn't get one of both.. (compromise there)... Next were the decorations.
We went to Target to get some decorations for our trees.. come to find out, she doesn't like colored lights on her tree, only white ones. I like color, and have always gotten color, so that's what I wanted. Then ornaments... She likes the gaudier bigger ones.. I like more simple solid colors... Yay. Our trees are going to be representative of our views... pretty opposite.
But then again... how important is the tree decorating? Does it matter if I don't get colored lights? What about the uglier (in my opinion) larger ornaments? To me none of that is an absolute show stopper... In my overall longings, I just wanted a tree. So I got not only 1, but 2 of them now. :) But could it foreshadow other issues?
From the patterns I've observed, I tend to give in more on choices. She is demanding. Not a good combination unless she learns to go with my suggestions now and then, even when she doesn't like them. Time will tell on that one, especially when we start to settle on a house.
We have been doing a lot more home searching and our tastes are beginning to come out. We both want a yard, we both want hardwoods, we both want a newer house and we both like craftsman style homes. She wants a garage, I could care less. Seems like we're on the same page there, now just to find one that I can afford... That's the true crux.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Conflict and Resolution...
So the honeymoon period is over. We spent the past complete weekend with each other, and over that time period we did have a few disagreements. It wasn't what we were arguing about, it was more the tone of the arguments that concerned me.
She likes to yell. Well, I don't really think she _likes_ to yell, but she does. Over this past weekend she was also most of the time in pain due to it being "that time of the month" coupled with the fact that she had an IUD put in a month or so ago and her body was trying to reject it. Both of these doubled up on each other lead to major crampage and thus her being on a really short fuse.
I don't even remember what the topics that we argued about were, but they were pretty much superficial. Some of them had to do with me asking her to repeat something, or saying something that she perceived that I said in a passive aggressive manner. Most of them were when I would question her views on things. One example of this was when we were talking about the types of houses we were looking at. We were having a difficult time finding a home with a decent sized yard which could be utilized by her two dogs. For the price range of which we (well, mostly I) can afford, we could either a) get a small house with a decent yard or b) get a decent house with a small yard. Both of which are not satisfactory to us. The saving grace for this is that we have time. I'm not being forced out of my house yet, but moving sooner rather than later is more preferred. Reason being, then she would also be able to move closer to Portland where she feels most of her life revolves around.
She currently lives close to her work up in Battle Ground, so moving down to Portland will extend her travel time, but it would be against traffic. Any move north would make my travel time longer, as I'd still be having to battle traffic coming into Portland. To meet in a middle ground, we've been looking in Vancouver for a home. Vancouver we can afford a little larger of a home, and overall travel time would be the same between us. Her time might be a bit longer, but it would just be freeway traffic, and not stop and go rush hour traffic.
She currently also lives in a ranch style home, to which I'm adverse. It just seems weird having no real separation between living and sleeping areas. I like separation there, where I know that downstairs is the kitchen/family area, and upstairs will be more private with my bedroom away from the noise. Ranch style homes do not really cater to this sort of setup, but what they do cater to is the ability to get outside easily. Right now in AL's home, she has a sliding glass back door which opens to a large backyard, her living room melds with her kitchen and extends to the front living area. With her two dogs, this allows us to open up the back doors and throw objects either into the front area, or out the back for them to run after and fetch. It's a lazy way of excercising them, but it works for what it is. We would lose this with a multi-story home, so thus the trade off.
So back to the arguments. AL on one hand would say that she liked the homes we were looking at, and then once we got back to her place she would express how if we moved into a home like that we would lose the advantages of what her current ranch style offers. To me, it seems that she was playing lip service to the homes we were looking at and not expressing her true concerns, which lie around her dogs. I can understand that, on one hand you personally enjoy something, on the other you have to take other needs into account. So which one will give?
Ultimately it will come to if we can have enough room to survive with 2 adults, 2 dogs and 2 cats... not to mention the possibly needed roommate, which could feasibly bring another adult and a cat into the mix. 3 adults, 3 cats and 2 dogs. Crowded house for sure. Unfortunately right now I'm borderline on what I can afford and what I want. In order to afford a $250k home, I need to get rid of $25k in debt which I'm making payments on. Next year some stock that I have should vest, of which I can sell off and then put towards my outstanding debt. I should also get a raise at that time (hopefully a bit substantial). In the meantime, I'm also recruiting some friends to work where I do (which would net me a bonus), and have some money put away to help with a down payment. So close... yet so far. However with these arguments that seem trivial but yet keep popping up, it's all concerning.
She likes to yell. Well, I don't really think she _likes_ to yell, but she does. Over this past weekend she was also most of the time in pain due to it being "that time of the month" coupled with the fact that she had an IUD put in a month or so ago and her body was trying to reject it. Both of these doubled up on each other lead to major crampage and thus her being on a really short fuse.
I don't even remember what the topics that we argued about were, but they were pretty much superficial. Some of them had to do with me asking her to repeat something, or saying something that she perceived that I said in a passive aggressive manner. Most of them were when I would question her views on things. One example of this was when we were talking about the types of houses we were looking at. We were having a difficult time finding a home with a decent sized yard which could be utilized by her two dogs. For the price range of which we (well, mostly I) can afford, we could either a) get a small house with a decent yard or b) get a decent house with a small yard. Both of which are not satisfactory to us. The saving grace for this is that we have time. I'm not being forced out of my house yet, but moving sooner rather than later is more preferred. Reason being, then she would also be able to move closer to Portland where she feels most of her life revolves around.
She currently lives close to her work up in Battle Ground, so moving down to Portland will extend her travel time, but it would be against traffic. Any move north would make my travel time longer, as I'd still be having to battle traffic coming into Portland. To meet in a middle ground, we've been looking in Vancouver for a home. Vancouver we can afford a little larger of a home, and overall travel time would be the same between us. Her time might be a bit longer, but it would just be freeway traffic, and not stop and go rush hour traffic.
She currently also lives in a ranch style home, to which I'm adverse. It just seems weird having no real separation between living and sleeping areas. I like separation there, where I know that downstairs is the kitchen/family area, and upstairs will be more private with my bedroom away from the noise. Ranch style homes do not really cater to this sort of setup, but what they do cater to is the ability to get outside easily. Right now in AL's home, she has a sliding glass back door which opens to a large backyard, her living room melds with her kitchen and extends to the front living area. With her two dogs, this allows us to open up the back doors and throw objects either into the front area, or out the back for them to run after and fetch. It's a lazy way of excercising them, but it works for what it is. We would lose this with a multi-story home, so thus the trade off.
So back to the arguments. AL on one hand would say that she liked the homes we were looking at, and then once we got back to her place she would express how if we moved into a home like that we would lose the advantages of what her current ranch style offers. To me, it seems that she was playing lip service to the homes we were looking at and not expressing her true concerns, which lie around her dogs. I can understand that, on one hand you personally enjoy something, on the other you have to take other needs into account. So which one will give?
Ultimately it will come to if we can have enough room to survive with 2 adults, 2 dogs and 2 cats... not to mention the possibly needed roommate, which could feasibly bring another adult and a cat into the mix. 3 adults, 3 cats and 2 dogs. Crowded house for sure. Unfortunately right now I'm borderline on what I can afford and what I want. In order to afford a $250k home, I need to get rid of $25k in debt which I'm making payments on. Next year some stock that I have should vest, of which I can sell off and then put towards my outstanding debt. I should also get a raise at that time (hopefully a bit substantial). In the meantime, I'm also recruiting some friends to work where I do (which would net me a bonus), and have some money put away to help with a down payment. So close... yet so far. However with these arguments that seem trivial but yet keep popping up, it's all concerning.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Brazilian welcome...
I like a clean playing field. Oral is much more enjoyable if you don't spend half the time digging hair out of your teeth and the back of your throat. Ick.
I started trimming/shaving a few years ago and have since kept it up. I'm actually a bit scared to stop, as I'm not sure what amount of hair would come back. AL gave me a nice little surprise yesterday. She was out running "errands" one of them was going to be a bikini wax, but her person suggested to go for the full Brazilian Wax. Awesome. That's all I have to say.
Needless to say, last night I had to take advantage of that. The only drawback was that I currently have a call. This made performing oral a little.... challenging. Being down there whilst fighting back coughing fits didn't make it as enjoyable as it normally would. However if she keeps it this way, I'll take advantage of it again later... you can bet on that.
I started trimming/shaving a few years ago and have since kept it up. I'm actually a bit scared to stop, as I'm not sure what amount of hair would come back. AL gave me a nice little surprise yesterday. She was out running "errands" one of them was going to be a bikini wax, but her person suggested to go for the full Brazilian Wax. Awesome. That's all I have to say.
Needless to say, last night I had to take advantage of that. The only drawback was that I currently have a call. This made performing oral a little.... challenging. Being down there whilst fighting back coughing fits didn't make it as enjoyable as it normally would. However if she keeps it this way, I'll take advantage of it again later... you can bet on that.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Cash rules everything around me...
As Wu-Tang said it... And that saying never grows old. I've always known that in reality, I've been a bit cash strapped after my divorce. I definitely spiraled financially during my short lived marriage attempting to keep not only myself afloat, but absorb the loss of income from my unsupportive wife at the time.
But now I'm feeling the aftershocks of it. AL and I have been talking seriously about buying a home, with me having to absorb the brunt of it right now while we look at selling off her home, or possibly renting it out and selling it later when the market is more favorable. In order to do this we've had to review both of our finances. This is a huge step for me, as with the downfall of my previous marriage I developed into a pattern where I was not tracking my expenditures. I was ashamed of my spending habits, knowing full well that I was not maintaining them and was causing further damage to my credit and finances. I knew full well that I was putting more and more onto credit, and that digging out of debt would eventually become insurmountable.
This past weekend, AL helped me review my financial situation and get a current state of affairs together. We realized after reviewing everything that I was in a similar situation to her. I currently can not afford much on my own. I have somehow accrued over $25,000 in consumer debt, partnered with my school and vehicle loans it put me around $50,000 in debt. Ouch.
So I have a few plans of attack. Might have to make a withdrawl from the bank of D&M (Dad and Mom)... or perhaps have a roommate live with us. Some of the good news is that AL has indicated that my debt to income ration should allow me to qualify for a $250k loan for a home. Good news, I will be able to put a roof over my head... now being able to afford it? That's a different challenge.
But now I'm feeling the aftershocks of it. AL and I have been talking seriously about buying a home, with me having to absorb the brunt of it right now while we look at selling off her home, or possibly renting it out and selling it later when the market is more favorable. In order to do this we've had to review both of our finances. This is a huge step for me, as with the downfall of my previous marriage I developed into a pattern where I was not tracking my expenditures. I was ashamed of my spending habits, knowing full well that I was not maintaining them and was causing further damage to my credit and finances. I knew full well that I was putting more and more onto credit, and that digging out of debt would eventually become insurmountable.
This past weekend, AL helped me review my financial situation and get a current state of affairs together. We realized after reviewing everything that I was in a similar situation to her. I currently can not afford much on my own. I have somehow accrued over $25,000 in consumer debt, partnered with my school and vehicle loans it put me around $50,000 in debt. Ouch.
So I have a few plans of attack. Might have to make a withdrawl from the bank of D&M (Dad and Mom)... or perhaps have a roommate live with us. Some of the good news is that AL has indicated that my debt to income ration should allow me to qualify for a $250k loan for a home. Good news, I will be able to put a roof over my head... now being able to afford it? That's a different challenge.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Trick or Treat...
Last night was Halloween. Definitely was a fun night for AL and myself.
We ended up handing out candy in her neighborhood up in Battle Ground. I got there a bit late, AL indicated that about 20 had already come by since I arrived around 7:30pm or so. Prior to that, I had a physical trainer appointment, and also had to drop off a car for my dad, so I was a bit delayed.
I finally arrived and found that AL had baked up some hot dog wraps and tater tots for dinner, really simple but food nonetheless. We proceeded to eat and hang out while the ever continuing stream of kids knocked on her door. We must have ended up with about 100 kids coming by, a significant number of them were Spiderman (or Venom, in some cases), or ninjas.
I can't really think of one that stood out from the crowd as most creative though, but a lot of them were pretty good and not store bought. That impressed me. It's good to see creativity out there and not just things bought off the shelf. A few were out for their first time, in the typical bumblebee outfit, or a small child dressed up in an outfit being rolled around by their parents in their strollers.
When 9pm rolled around, both AL and I were really tired. We both have developed a cold that is becoming taxing on us, so good rest was what we needed. Definitely a fun night for both of us.
We ended up handing out candy in her neighborhood up in Battle Ground. I got there a bit late, AL indicated that about 20 had already come by since I arrived around 7:30pm or so. Prior to that, I had a physical trainer appointment, and also had to drop off a car for my dad, so I was a bit delayed.
I finally arrived and found that AL had baked up some hot dog wraps and tater tots for dinner, really simple but food nonetheless. We proceeded to eat and hang out while the ever continuing stream of kids knocked on her door. We must have ended up with about 100 kids coming by, a significant number of them were Spiderman (or Venom, in some cases), or ninjas.
I can't really think of one that stood out from the crowd as most creative though, but a lot of them were pretty good and not store bought. That impressed me. It's good to see creativity out there and not just things bought off the shelf. A few were out for their first time, in the typical bumblebee outfit, or a small child dressed up in an outfit being rolled around by their parents in their strollers.
When 9pm rolled around, both AL and I were really tired. We both have developed a cold that is becoming taxing on us, so good rest was what we needed. Definitely a fun night for both of us.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Time keeps on slippping... slipping... slipping..
Into the future.... as the Steve Miller Band would sing...
Well, SR has moved on... she just updated her Facebook profile to "in a relationship" last week. I truly hope she is with someone decent, her profile doesn't link out to her new person though. Could be a ploy, more than likely it's real. Egotistically I hope it's not a rebound relationship for her. Like a knee-jerk reaction since I updated mine, for her to go out and get involved with someone just to update hers. Most likely not though, she's not emotional like that.
I got back into town yesterday from a weekend trip out to Indiana for a dedication to my grandfather. It was a good family trip, also gave me some time away from AL to think about things. During that trip we sent a bunch of text messages to each other, and talked on the phone a few times. On the phone we were fine, we just spoke about what I was doing, how the dedication went, what she did that night when going out with her friends, etc.
Little did I realize that she was actually thinking of more things that she wasn't saying to me. Friday she had a late soccer game, and then was going to go out with her friends after that. I didn't have an issue with that, just a bit of jealousy due to my thoughts of how guys are when they are out dancing. Later I found out that she did go out with some of her friends, but there was also a guy there with his girlfriend, and that gave me a bit of solace. Mostly because with a guy there, theoretically they would chase off any of the jerks that would feasibly be harassing her.
This is what I was trying to explain to AL. It's not really the fact that I was jealous that she was out dancing, or worried that she would do something stupid (i.e. make out with some guy or something like that.) I already told her what the results would be if I found out that something did happen. I'd be gone. No hesitation, as I know that I can readily find someone else. I didn't ask her if she drank at all, intrinsically I know that she didn't. My concern lies more around the guys approaching her and how she would handle them. Would she dance with them? Would she entertain their advances? But on the phone she iterated why she enjoys going out with a group of girls. It's because that when a guy approaches a group of girls, it's easy to ignore them and just continue doing what they're doing. I've seen that happen, hell I've had it happen to me.
So what's the worry? I think it's because I'm not there. She'd equate that to being possessive, to myself it's more that I'd be there, therefore no guy would try to approach her or them. Does that mean that I don't trust her in those situations? I guess so. But then again, what I know about her out in those situations is what she told me how she basically would go out and hook up with guys sometimes. Then again, I'm not sure what type of relationship (if any) she was in at that time. I do know that when she had her affair on her previous husband, it was a situation like that. She went out, got plastered, hooked up with the guy and then carried it on for awhile. Doesn't make me feel good inside to hear those stories, and then her talk about how she wants to go out with her girl friends. But does that mean she'd do it to me?
Another note she said, is that when she goes out with the girls, she's able to talk about boys. Able to vent her views on things without having to worry about me hearing. That, I can understand. Just because I don't really do that, doesn't mean that she doesn't want to. Women need to commiserate their thoughts, get opinions, hear themselves out. Men tend to stereotypically bottle their thoughts up. I know that I tend to. But with these meetings with my counselor, maybe that will change. One of the comments she told me her friends made was that we couldn't get engaged until her friend gets back from a moth or two vacation in Asia. :) But I think that was one of those more poke in the ribs type of things. Just a reminder that she thinks we're moving too quickly.
Another situation came up when I got back into town and spoke with AL. She indicated that over the weekend it gave her time to think. Her worries came back about our living situation, how living in two different areas sucks. How her bills are stacking up, and that the only way she can keep it together is to hock something or refinance her home. She chose the latter, to refinance this weekend and get some equity out. She also gets a better rate, so definitely not a bad decision.
I think the living separate situation will get itself sorted out sooner rather than later. My dad indicated that he wants my sister to move out of her apartment and into the small house with me so that he doesn't have to pay for her living situation. This, doesn't make me feel good. I don't really want to live with my sister, unless it's necessary and she's going to be moving on in a foreseeable future. But, I have no choice in the situation, as my parents are also helping me out. So theoretically she'll be moving in with me next week. As a result of this, I'm thinking that I will move into AL's the following week. That will allow me to gauge what it would be like to live up in Battle Ground with her, and live with her as a whole.
She panicked a bit this past weekend, she put her thoughts of a past relationship on me yet again. She remembered how she moved out here with the thoughts of getting married and moving in with a guy up in Washington, and then having him back out once she got close enough to make it a reality. But I iterated to her that I'm not him. Actions will speak louder than words, I need to get my stuff sorted, finances in line and really site down with her and illustrate how we can make this happen for us. I want it, she wants it, we just need to do it.
Well, SR has moved on... she just updated her Facebook profile to "in a relationship" last week. I truly hope she is with someone decent, her profile doesn't link out to her new person though. Could be a ploy, more than likely it's real. Egotistically I hope it's not a rebound relationship for her. Like a knee-jerk reaction since I updated mine, for her to go out and get involved with someone just to update hers. Most likely not though, she's not emotional like that.
I got back into town yesterday from a weekend trip out to Indiana for a dedication to my grandfather. It was a good family trip, also gave me some time away from AL to think about things. During that trip we sent a bunch of text messages to each other, and talked on the phone a few times. On the phone we were fine, we just spoke about what I was doing, how the dedication went, what she did that night when going out with her friends, etc.
Little did I realize that she was actually thinking of more things that she wasn't saying to me. Friday she had a late soccer game, and then was going to go out with her friends after that. I didn't have an issue with that, just a bit of jealousy due to my thoughts of how guys are when they are out dancing. Later I found out that she did go out with some of her friends, but there was also a guy there with his girlfriend, and that gave me a bit of solace. Mostly because with a guy there, theoretically they would chase off any of the jerks that would feasibly be harassing her.
This is what I was trying to explain to AL. It's not really the fact that I was jealous that she was out dancing, or worried that she would do something stupid (i.e. make out with some guy or something like that.) I already told her what the results would be if I found out that something did happen. I'd be gone. No hesitation, as I know that I can readily find someone else. I didn't ask her if she drank at all, intrinsically I know that she didn't. My concern lies more around the guys approaching her and how she would handle them. Would she dance with them? Would she entertain their advances? But on the phone she iterated why she enjoys going out with a group of girls. It's because that when a guy approaches a group of girls, it's easy to ignore them and just continue doing what they're doing. I've seen that happen, hell I've had it happen to me.
So what's the worry? I think it's because I'm not there. She'd equate that to being possessive, to myself it's more that I'd be there, therefore no guy would try to approach her or them. Does that mean that I don't trust her in those situations? I guess so. But then again, what I know about her out in those situations is what she told me how she basically would go out and hook up with guys sometimes. Then again, I'm not sure what type of relationship (if any) she was in at that time. I do know that when she had her affair on her previous husband, it was a situation like that. She went out, got plastered, hooked up with the guy and then carried it on for awhile. Doesn't make me feel good inside to hear those stories, and then her talk about how she wants to go out with her girl friends. But does that mean she'd do it to me?
Another note she said, is that when she goes out with the girls, she's able to talk about boys. Able to vent her views on things without having to worry about me hearing. That, I can understand. Just because I don't really do that, doesn't mean that she doesn't want to. Women need to commiserate their thoughts, get opinions, hear themselves out. Men tend to stereotypically bottle their thoughts up. I know that I tend to. But with these meetings with my counselor, maybe that will change. One of the comments she told me her friends made was that we couldn't get engaged until her friend gets back from a moth or two vacation in Asia. :) But I think that was one of those more poke in the ribs type of things. Just a reminder that she thinks we're moving too quickly.
Another situation came up when I got back into town and spoke with AL. She indicated that over the weekend it gave her time to think. Her worries came back about our living situation, how living in two different areas sucks. How her bills are stacking up, and that the only way she can keep it together is to hock something or refinance her home. She chose the latter, to refinance this weekend and get some equity out. She also gets a better rate, so definitely not a bad decision.
I think the living separate situation will get itself sorted out sooner rather than later. My dad indicated that he wants my sister to move out of her apartment and into the small house with me so that he doesn't have to pay for her living situation. This, doesn't make me feel good. I don't really want to live with my sister, unless it's necessary and she's going to be moving on in a foreseeable future. But, I have no choice in the situation, as my parents are also helping me out. So theoretically she'll be moving in with me next week. As a result of this, I'm thinking that I will move into AL's the following week. That will allow me to gauge what it would be like to live up in Battle Ground with her, and live with her as a whole.
She panicked a bit this past weekend, she put her thoughts of a past relationship on me yet again. She remembered how she moved out here with the thoughts of getting married and moving in with a guy up in Washington, and then having him back out once she got close enough to make it a reality. But I iterated to her that I'm not him. Actions will speak louder than words, I need to get my stuff sorted, finances in line and really site down with her and illustrate how we can make this happen for us. I want it, she wants it, we just need to do it.
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