Into the future.... as the Steve Miller Band would sing...
Well, SR has moved on... she just updated her Facebook profile to "in a relationship" last week. I truly hope she is with someone decent, her profile doesn't link out to her new person though. Could be a ploy, more than likely it's real. Egotistically I hope it's not a rebound relationship for her. Like a knee-jerk reaction since I updated mine, for her to go out and get involved with someone just to update hers. Most likely not though, she's not emotional like that.
I got back into town yesterday from a weekend trip out to Indiana for a dedication to my grandfather. It was a good family trip, also gave me some time away from AL to think about things. During that trip we sent a bunch of text messages to each other, and talked on the phone a few times. On the phone we were fine, we just spoke about what I was doing, how the dedication went, what she did that night when going out with her friends, etc.
Little did I realize that she was actually thinking of more things that she wasn't saying to me. Friday she had a late soccer game, and then was going to go out with her friends after that. I didn't have an issue with that, just a bit of jealousy due to my thoughts of how guys are when they are out dancing. Later I found out that she did go out with some of her friends, but there was also a guy there with his girlfriend, and that gave me a bit of solace. Mostly because with a guy there, theoretically they would chase off any of the jerks that would feasibly be harassing her.
This is what I was trying to explain to AL. It's not really the fact that I was jealous that she was out dancing, or worried that she would do something stupid (i.e. make out with some guy or something like that.) I already told her what the results would be if I found out that something did happen. I'd be gone. No hesitation, as I know that I can readily find someone else. I didn't ask her if she drank at all, intrinsically I know that she didn't. My concern lies more around the guys approaching her and how she would handle them. Would she dance with them? Would she entertain their advances? But on the phone she iterated why she enjoys going out with a group of girls. It's because that when a guy approaches a group of girls, it's easy to ignore them and just continue doing what they're doing. I've seen that happen, hell I've had it happen to me.
So what's the worry? I think it's because I'm not there. She'd equate that to being possessive, to myself it's more that I'd be there, therefore no guy would try to approach her or them. Does that mean that I don't trust her in those situations? I guess so. But then again, what I know about her out in those situations is what she told me how she basically would go out and hook up with guys sometimes. Then again, I'm not sure what type of relationship (if any) she was in at that time. I do know that when she had her affair on her previous husband, it was a situation like that. She went out, got plastered, hooked up with the guy and then carried it on for awhile. Doesn't make me feel good inside to hear those stories, and then her talk about how she wants to go out with her girl friends. But does that mean she'd do it to me?
Another note she said, is that when she goes out with the girls, she's able to talk about boys. Able to vent her views on things without having to worry about me hearing. That, I can understand. Just because I don't really do that, doesn't mean that she doesn't want to. Women need to commiserate their thoughts, get opinions, hear themselves out. Men tend to stereotypically bottle their thoughts up. I know that I tend to. But with these meetings with my counselor, maybe that will change. One of the comments she told me her friends made was that we couldn't get engaged until her friend gets back from a moth or two vacation in Asia. :) But I think that was one of those more poke in the ribs type of things. Just a reminder that she thinks we're moving too quickly.
Another situation came up when I got back into town and spoke with AL. She indicated that over the weekend it gave her time to think. Her worries came back about our living situation, how living in two different areas sucks. How her bills are stacking up, and that the only way she can keep it together is to hock something or refinance her home. She chose the latter, to refinance this weekend and get some equity out. She also gets a better rate, so definitely not a bad decision.
I think the living separate situation will get itself sorted out sooner rather than later. My dad indicated that he wants my sister to move out of her apartment and into the small house with me so that he doesn't have to pay for her living situation. This, doesn't make me feel good. I don't really want to live with my sister, unless it's necessary and she's going to be moving on in a foreseeable future. But, I have no choice in the situation, as my parents are also helping me out. So theoretically she'll be moving in with me next week. As a result of this, I'm thinking that I will move into AL's the following week. That will allow me to gauge what it would be like to live up in Battle Ground with her, and live with her as a whole.
She panicked a bit this past weekend, she put her thoughts of a past relationship on me yet again. She remembered how she moved out here with the thoughts of getting married and moving in with a guy up in Washington, and then having him back out once she got close enough to make it a reality. But I iterated to her that I'm not him. Actions will speak louder than words, I need to get my stuff sorted, finances in line and really site down with her and illustrate how we can make this happen for us. I want it, she wants it, we just need to do it.
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