Conflict and Resolution...

So the honeymoon period is over. We spent the past complete weekend with each other, and over that time period we did have a few disagreements. It wasn't what we were arguing about, it was more the tone of the arguments that concerned me.

She likes to yell. Well, I don't really think she _likes_ to yell, but she does. Over this past weekend she was also most of the time in pain due to it being "that time of the month" coupled with the fact that she had an IUD put in a month or so ago and her body was trying to reject it. Both of these doubled up on each other lead to major crampage and thus her being on a really short fuse.

I don't even remember what the topics that we argued about were, but they were pretty much superficial. Some of them had to do with me asking her to repeat something, or saying something that she perceived that I said in a passive aggressive manner. Most of them were when I would question her views on things. One example of this was when we were talking about the types of houses we were looking at. We were having a difficult time finding a home with a decent sized yard which could be utilized by her two dogs. For the price range of which we (well, mostly I) can afford, we could either a) get a small house with a decent yard or b) get a decent house with a small yard. Both of which are not satisfactory to us. The saving grace for this is that we have time. I'm not being forced out of my house yet, but moving sooner rather than later is more preferred. Reason being, then she would also be able to move closer to Portland where she feels most of her life revolves around.

She currently lives close to her work up in Battle Ground, so moving down to Portland will extend her travel time, but it would be against traffic. Any move north would make my travel time longer, as I'd still be having to battle traffic coming into Portland. To meet in a middle ground, we've been looking in Vancouver for a home. Vancouver we can afford a little larger of a home, and overall travel time would be the same between us. Her time might be a bit longer, but it would just be freeway traffic, and not stop and go rush hour traffic.

She currently also lives in a ranch style home, to which I'm adverse. It just seems weird having no real separation between living and sleeping areas. I like separation there, where I know that downstairs is the kitchen/family area, and upstairs will be more private with my bedroom away from the noise. Ranch style homes do not really cater to this sort of setup, but what they do cater to is the ability to get outside easily. Right now in AL's home, she has a sliding glass back door which opens to a large backyard, her living room melds with her kitchen and extends to the front living area. With her two dogs, this allows us to open up the back doors and throw objects either into the front area, or out the back for them to run after and fetch. It's a lazy way of excercising them, but it works for what it is. We would lose this with a multi-story home, so thus the trade off.

So back to the arguments. AL on one hand would say that she liked the homes we were looking at, and then once we got back to her place she would express how if we moved into a home like that we would lose the advantages of what her current ranch style offers. To me, it seems that she was playing lip service to the homes we were looking at and not expressing her true concerns, which lie around her dogs. I can understand that, on one hand you personally enjoy something, on the other you have to take other needs into account. So which one will give?

Ultimately it will come to if we can have enough room to survive with 2 adults, 2 dogs and 2 cats... not to mention the possibly needed roommate, which could feasibly bring another adult and a cat into the mix. 3 adults, 3 cats and 2 dogs. Crowded house for sure. Unfortunately right now I'm borderline on what I can afford and what I want. In order to afford a $250k home, I need to get rid of $25k in debt which I'm making payments on. Next year some stock that I have should vest, of which I can sell off and then put towards my outstanding debt. I should also get a raise at that time (hopefully a bit substantial). In the meantime, I'm also recruiting some friends to work where I do (which would net me a bonus), and have some money put away to help with a down payment. So close... yet so far. However with these arguments that seem trivial but yet keep popping up, it's all concerning.

Brazilian welcome...

I like a clean playing field. Oral is much more enjoyable if you don't spend half the time digging hair out of your teeth and the back of your throat. Ick.

I started trimming/shaving a few years ago and have since kept it up. I'm actually a bit scared to stop, as I'm not sure what amount of hair would come back. AL gave me a nice little surprise yesterday. She was out running "errands" one of them was going to be a bikini wax, but her person suggested to go for the full Brazilian Wax. Awesome. That's all I have to say.

Needless to say, last night I had to take advantage of that. The only drawback was that I currently have a call. This made performing oral a little.... challenging. Being down there whilst fighting back coughing fits didn't make it as enjoyable as it normally would. However if she keeps it this way, I'll take advantage of it again later... you can bet on that.

Cash rules everything around me...

As Wu-Tang said it... And that saying never grows old. I've always known that in reality, I've been a bit cash strapped after my divorce. I definitely spiraled financially during my short lived marriage attempting to keep not only myself afloat, but absorb the loss of income from my unsupportive wife at the time.

But now I'm feeling the aftershocks of it. AL and I have been talking seriously about buying a home, with me having to absorb the brunt of it right now while we look at selling off her home, or possibly renting it out and selling it later when the market is more favorable. In order to do this we've had to review both of our finances. This is a huge step for me, as with the downfall of my previous marriage I developed into a pattern where I was not tracking my expenditures. I was ashamed of my spending habits, knowing full well that I was not maintaining them and was causing further damage to my credit and finances. I knew full well that I was putting more and more onto credit, and that digging out of debt would eventually become insurmountable.

This past weekend, AL helped me review my financial situation and get a current state of affairs together. We realized after reviewing everything that I was in a similar situation to her. I currently can not afford much on my own. I have somehow accrued over $25,000 in consumer debt, partnered with my school and vehicle loans it put me around $50,000 in debt. Ouch.

So I have a few plans of attack. Might have to make a withdrawl from the bank of D&M (Dad and Mom)... or perhaps have a roommate live with us. Some of the good news is that AL has indicated that my debt to income ration should allow me to qualify for a $250k loan for a home. Good news, I will be able to put a roof over my head... now being able to afford it? That's a different challenge.

Trick or Treat...

Last night was Halloween. Definitely was a fun night for AL and myself.

We ended up handing out candy in her neighborhood up in Battle Ground. I got there a bit late, AL indicated that about 20 had already come by since I arrived around 7:30pm or so. Prior to that, I had a physical trainer appointment, and also had to drop off a car for my dad, so I was a bit delayed.

I finally arrived and found that AL had baked up some hot dog wraps and tater tots for dinner, really simple but food nonetheless. We proceeded to eat and hang out while the ever continuing stream of kids knocked on her door. We must have ended up with about 100 kids coming by, a significant number of them were Spiderman (or Venom, in some cases), or ninjas.

I can't really think of one that stood out from the crowd as most creative though, but a lot of them were pretty good and not store bought. That impressed me. It's good to see creativity out there and not just things bought off the shelf. A few were out for their first time, in the typical bumblebee outfit, or a small child dressed up in an outfit being rolled around by their parents in their strollers.

When 9pm rolled around, both AL and I were really tired. We both have developed a cold that is becoming taxing on us, so good rest was what we needed. Definitely a fun night for both of us.