AL and I have been talking pretty heavily about moving in together, buying a house together, combining finances. All really huge topics when looking at the progression of a relationship, but none of which are keeping me hesitant from proceeding.
It's strange to me that I'm not hesitant, because with my ex I was. Maybe that was a tell-tale sign of my mistrust of her stability (or lack thereof). In the beginning I tried to trust my ex-wife, I let her contribute towards our living situation, to be responsible for bills, to pool our resources. But once she faltered, I quickly withdrew in that department. I became resentful of the situation because true, I was making more money and thus had more in the pool, but more for the fact that I couldn't even rely on her for the small portion that was her responsibility, yet she wanted to soak up mine.
I want to trust AL. But because I was hurt before, it is taking me awhile to come around and fully trust her. I also let AL know that I am a bit embarrassed of my situation. Here I am, making decent money but for some reason not able to afford my own lease (luckily I live in a house my parents own, and they are being extremely generous in allowing me to not pay rent so I can bank up for my own home in the near future) while saving for our future. I'm embarrassed of the thousands of dollars I have racked up on my credit cards for no apparent reason, how most of it was spent foolishly on items that would only become obsolete in the near future (i.e. computers, game consoles, etc). Granted, I also had to put money for things such as car repairs on my credit card, but overall I just burned into debt through poor decision making and am now paying for it... literally. Other than the roughly $25k in debt that has accrued in that manner, there is not much that is out of the ordinary for my financial situation. I have an auto loan and a car loan.
After my divorce I became lax in paying on my cards, and that has since impacted my credit rating to a point where I am paying an obscene rate on my cards. However over the past year that has changed and I have not missed any payments. Thus, I could probably call my creditors and work my APR's down so that I can begin to get ahead of the bills. Or another solution which I really hope would materialize of getting a loan from my parents to pay off my consumer debt and then pay them back on not only that loan, but for the months I have not paid rent. Unfortunately right now, they live on a fixed income, and finding that fundage is a problem for them. Especially when my parents are considering divorce...
It's not like AL is pristine either. She has accrued debt through her previous marriage as well, shouldering debt from her ex-husband that she is now paying off and has no recourse of recuperating the funds from him anymore. She has also just bought her place up in Battle Ground, a good 30 mins from Portland in good traffic.
So looking at our situation, our debt to income ratio, our current responsibilities... we're looking at either North Portland or Vancouver... both of which are related to ghetto's in my mind. But both of which are the only areas I can afford in and around Portland... /sigh
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