Crushing my Zen...

I try to stay in shape... Really, I do. However it seems that lately I haven't been able to get into the gym on a regular basis, which has been cramping my athleticism, so I have a bit of work to get done to fix that.

My old routine at my other job used to be that I would go to the gym twice a day, followed by soccer at night. The gym was located a half block away, so it was impossible to avoid. That pattern was developed after my divorce, in a means to keep me occupied and doing "something" at least. The benefits of being more in shape were also a bonus.

Unfortunately (or fortunate, as this job pays more), I had to leave my old job for a new one that is in downtown Portland. The draw back about this is that the gym is now across downtown and I'm unable to get there on my lunch, which leaves only after work to work out. This effectively has cut out half of my workout time. This, partnered with my sciatica that I have developed, has made it frustrating to stay in shape. At least now I'm going to a Physical Therapist to treat my sciatica and hopefully that will help alleviate the symptoms that I have.

Well, LF used to be a personal trainer. So was my ex-wife. I know that having a personal trainer help you can make your work outs more effective and beneficial, all good things. However, I also view my workout time as my "personal time", where I go to work out job/relationship frustrations by lifting weights and listening to music. Since LF used to be a personal trainer, and she (almost desperately) wants to spend more time with me, she has mentioned to me numerous times that she wants to come work out with me. Yesterday was one of the days that she has imposed herself on my time.

Before, LF wasn't a member of a gym, but she recently told me how she wanted to join one. She asked me what gym I went to, so I told her Bally's, because that's the one I do go to. Yesterday she asked me if I was going to work out, and I told her that I was. Needless to say, of corse she showed up at the gym when I was there. I guess technically I showed up when she was there, as she was there first, but that was because I had to stay late at work in order to alleviate some issues a client of mine was having. Still, it didn't make me happy that she basically imposed herself on my time that I have set aside for myself.

I go to the gym more for personal time, not for relationship time. I tend to get self conscious at the gym due to me not being overly in shape (granted, I'm nowhere near to being out of shape.. I can just use some extra work to help my body and help strengthen me). So going to the gym doesn't equate to me feeling flattering. Having her there, and following me around made it even worse. It threw my routine off, threw my focus off, threw my day off.

Towards the end of my session, I went upstairs into a corner in order to stretch and help my back out. I had to do some funky poses that my Physical Therapist taught me to help strengthen my core, so already at that time I was feeling self conscious and just wanted to be left alone. But what did LF do? She came upstairs, and proceeded to kick a ball into me right when I was in the middle of one of my awkward stretches. Absolutely pissed me off, I reacted by kicking the ball half way across the room into a machine. This caught her off gaurd of course, but that was my reaction. Here she was, trying to interact with me, taking my attention away from the purpose I was there for and also breaking up my personal time.

I'm thinking that the next time I talk to her, I'll try to explain this to her. Maybe she'll understand, or not. Quit crushing my zen.