Conflict and Resolution...

So the honeymoon period is over. We spent the past complete weekend with each other, and over that time period we did have a few disagreements. It wasn't what we were arguing about, it was more the tone of the arguments that concerned me.

She likes to yell. Well, I don't really think she _likes_ to yell, but she does. Over this past weekend she was also most of the time in pain due to it being "that time of the month" coupled with the fact that she had an IUD put in a month or so ago and her body was trying to reject it. Both of these doubled up on each other lead to major crampage and thus her being on a really short fuse.

I don't even remember what the topics that we argued about were, but they were pretty much superficial. Some of them had to do with me asking her to repeat something, or saying something that she perceived that I said in a passive aggressive manner. Most of them were when I would question her views on things. One example of this was when we were talking about the types of houses we were looking at. We were having a difficult time finding a home with a decent sized yard which could be utilized by her two dogs. For the price range of which we (well, mostly I) can afford, we could either a) get a small house with a decent yard or b) get a decent house with a small yard. Both of which are not satisfactory to us. The saving grace for this is that we have time. I'm not being forced out of my house yet, but moving sooner rather than later is more preferred. Reason being, then she would also be able to move closer to Portland where she feels most of her life revolves around.

She currently lives close to her work up in Battle Ground, so moving down to Portland will extend her travel time, but it would be against traffic. Any move north would make my travel time longer, as I'd still be having to battle traffic coming into Portland. To meet in a middle ground, we've been looking in Vancouver for a home. Vancouver we can afford a little larger of a home, and overall travel time would be the same between us. Her time might be a bit longer, but it would just be freeway traffic, and not stop and go rush hour traffic.

She currently also lives in a ranch style home, to which I'm adverse. It just seems weird having no real separation between living and sleeping areas. I like separation there, where I know that downstairs is the kitchen/family area, and upstairs will be more private with my bedroom away from the noise. Ranch style homes do not really cater to this sort of setup, but what they do cater to is the ability to get outside easily. Right now in AL's home, she has a sliding glass back door which opens to a large backyard, her living room melds with her kitchen and extends to the front living area. With her two dogs, this allows us to open up the back doors and throw objects either into the front area, or out the back for them to run after and fetch. It's a lazy way of excercising them, but it works for what it is. We would lose this with a multi-story home, so thus the trade off.

So back to the arguments. AL on one hand would say that she liked the homes we were looking at, and then once we got back to her place she would express how if we moved into a home like that we would lose the advantages of what her current ranch style offers. To me, it seems that she was playing lip service to the homes we were looking at and not expressing her true concerns, which lie around her dogs. I can understand that, on one hand you personally enjoy something, on the other you have to take other needs into account. So which one will give?

Ultimately it will come to if we can have enough room to survive with 2 adults, 2 dogs and 2 cats... not to mention the possibly needed roommate, which could feasibly bring another adult and a cat into the mix. 3 adults, 3 cats and 2 dogs. Crowded house for sure. Unfortunately right now I'm borderline on what I can afford and what I want. In order to afford a $250k home, I need to get rid of $25k in debt which I'm making payments on. Next year some stock that I have should vest, of which I can sell off and then put towards my outstanding debt. I should also get a raise at that time (hopefully a bit substantial). In the meantime, I'm also recruiting some friends to work where I do (which would net me a bonus), and have some money put away to help with a down payment. So close... yet so far. However with these arguments that seem trivial but yet keep popping up, it's all concerning.